Hey ya, now i should be doing my work and projects but I want to blog cruz i felt miserable.

Ok let divide the miserable into 99% and 1%.

1% goes to having alot of projects needed to be done and hand up by this week and next week. It really a rush to do a lot of thing and i have not accomplish anything. So u know my mind is in a mess. Even doing MMP project on sketchbook, I have difficulty in choosing which to draw that I felt that my work is rubbish now.

99% goes to having my ear problem. People around me may not know but there are times when my ear can hear clearly and there are times when I cant hear clearly, more like I can hear blurry air sounds and there are times when I hear a high-pitch sound for awhile and it really hurts. So why do I feel miserable for 99% here?

First for the high pitch sound which maintain for a while is due to internal ear irritated. I asked the doctor once, and that what he says. But still its painful that the high pitch sound is there.

As there times when i cant hear clearly, is like you can only hear a type of sound coming clearer than other sound but is still like blurry. How do i explain it? Its kinda like a radio and a television playing at the same time, but I can only hear only 1 of them clearer than the others. But even though I can hear only 1 of them clearer, it doesnt mean I can hear really well. To me, that is a bother and it even worst if im in an air-conditioned room. I can hear the air con sound more than anything.

To me, I really feel so depressed to the fact that I will be totally silent. I know that if someone talk to me, and i asked again and again what he/she says, they will be pissed off. But its like i also doesnt want it. That why im totally silent like now. I have not spoke much today. That feeling is really torturing and miserable but I keep it quiet inside me. My heart feels like exploding and so heavy that I really want to cry.

Why do I become like this? Why? I wish I knew why. I wish I can change it. Having this ear problem is like having me feel burden a lot. I dont know how I can survive but I'll try. I dont want to be like this. I want to be normal. My life like my friends. No one around me can know the feeling of so helpless. I also fear... Fear that I might lose my hearing one day. When ever I imagine it, I felt so frightened that I really want to treasure everything that I can hear now and remember in my head. Voices of my friends, sounds from the enviroment... I have never tell my family anything about my problems, but yes they know about me only able to hear from right ear.

I shall stop here... Will really shed tear if I continue... hahas

See ya bye..