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Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Hey guys.... First Let's welcome Amanda and Carel back from their vacation. *claps* Hope you guys have fun. I will want to listen to your vacation story soon. Second, today lesson finishes at 11 and me, Carolyn and Cynthia went to see 2012 and just nice, Malia, Hajar and Hafiza also going. But because we go separate ways to reach tampines mall, The 3 of us went to eat pizza hut while the other 3 went to buy tickets, so when we buy tickets, we cannot sit with malia they all. Sad. And because Carol have seen it and she is busy, so sadly, she cannot come.. I watched the movie and at some point of time, seeing the people dies, it makes me feel sad but at the same point of time, seeing the thrilling part, where all those nearly-die situation, makes my heart beat like super fast.It's amazing with the nice effect but some part of the movie is like "super lucky" for the main character. Hahas. Anyway, its not bad and im looking forward for New Moon and..... 10 MORE DAYS And Nowdays i have problems that causing my stress to level up like a lot?! Family Finacial, Friendship, Personal health, School Work, Finding a job! Well.... Those people who have been or are my friends, I "GUESS", you guys should know that. I'm not an attentive person who will notice things on the spot but i will know something is wrong more or less through the time, better than others. Well, to you.... I know now is oil adding to fire and you are angry like mad. And u can still act like as though is not my fault in appearance, but if im alone with you, you are always silence like nothing. I know that nothing i say can make sure that you are not angry but I can only say that I wish to talk to you privately like having some trashout session with me. You can say whatever you want in front of my face and I will face it. Maybe i will be hurt but i think it is the best way as you are not telling me what is on your mind. I'm not a expert psychologist or I dont take psychology or neither do I have some psychic power that can understand you. I just want you to tell me what is the problem and at least i know what is it even if our friendship is going down. And the fact that if i did say something that hurts you or something, that is not on purpose. But seeing what you say on your blog, I hate it but to say it hurt me. Seriously, and i have to act normal in front of the com, cruz my family is in the room. To me, I hold friendship more that what people does. When friend accuses me of something I didnt do, i feel hurt. When friend is in trouble, I would not stay away, When friend need help, I will stay by their side and be a listener to the troubles. When friend is crying, I would try my best to comfort. *though i not that good* Its not like I must do this. But i dont like friends being left out in anyway. Can you see? Even on the bus, you and I didnt talk, i try to talk to you. Cruz why? I didnt want you to be left out. You say "everyday I need to control my emotions when you criticize or blame me. I cannot take comments yes I am" I rather you dont control your emotions. At least i know what are you thinking. Do you think about me who needs to think and crack my brains about what i have done and what you thinking?  You say "You must be thinking that I am fucking petty, getting fumed with trivia matters" Do you think I'm that kind of person who will be thinking, "hey that person is petty and getting angry with trivia matters"? Am i? Am i that untrustworthy? That selfish and inconsiderate person? Yes i may hurt you unintended But i not that kind of person who will think like that. So you think of me like that? And do you think im blaming you for what you did? Now im blaming myself!!! Im blaming myself for even getting a deaf ear! Im blaming myself for even making you upset. Im blaming myself why did i even went to school on that day. And you think that if i blame you and scold for not going out with us? Yes im upset that you cant go. But i know that you are busy I just want you to relax and come out with us and not left out. On the bus to interchange, do you see me with an angry face like "that person beside me never go out with us so many times?" DID I? I even tried to talk to you. I know my left ear is DEAF!!! YES ITS DEAF !!! But i dont think yrs is. Even with the ear piece, I doubt if you cant hear me. But what is the reaction u give me?! Never hear me?! And do you know that i have more problems that you or even more tired than you?! Do you know that now i fear what happens to my left ear, happens to my right ears?! Do you know that i nearly cried when the doctors say to me what happen?! Do you know what i told Carolyn?! I told her that time after seeing doctor and went back home after my cca, When i seeing music videos, I feel like crying, Why?! I scare that one day i might not be able to hear. Can you feel the scareness that i having? And i have to act like normal in front of you And i have to bear this. Guess what?! Do you think that able to hear one ear is a good thing?! No! Do u think i like having that? No! Do u know that im so scare of seeing the doctor? No! If Carolyn didnt promise to accompany me the day before, And that day just nice you need go for your appointment, I will be going alone and I can say I will be scare like hell. Even with just going to see polyclinic with Carolyn, Dun Ping and Sean, I'm scared. If you think that you should not live in this world, What about me? Do you think I want to live like this?! Do you think i like my life? I hate the life I'm having!! It's pathetic that I'm having this life. It's pathetic that I'm even crying now and feeling upset. Please talk to me in front of me. Tell me what you want. I killed a Hollow at 9:18 PM |
Name:Shiro, Zhen hong Age:14/4/1992 Loves Friends Music[Japanese] Anime[Japan voices, not dubbed with English] Manga Games Books Japan
Wishlist Stay in contact with friends Able to have fun Hope to smile as promised Hope to be happy Hope to find herAllison - Amanda Goo - Navinhan - Carel - Nizham - Razi - Aisyah - Furqaan - Luanne - MuyKim - Uma - Jacinta - Rina - Shirley - Watea - Mamat - Miss Chua - Hiroshima trip blog - Razi's Picasa Album - Carel's Picasa Album - My Facebook - My friendster - My Picasa Album - Wordpress for NMT - linkie - linkie Links Jovi - Yvonne - Rolf - Yeeswen - Shukiat - Fiona - Zhangxiang - Rachel - Zhixian - Priscilla - Yanting[my niece] - KerWei - Nora - Celeste - WanQi - Kaye - Meiting - Yueming - LeeMay - Basthian - Felly - WeiLi - Esther - Maslina - Joel - MeiQi - PeiLing - ShuMing - YanChin - Cherie - Cynthia -Links-IMI Nicholas - Emerlyn - YilingK - Stessen - Haikal - IMI C246 - HuiYing - Malia - Carolyn - Carol - JiaDe - HajarLinks-JCG Jason - Phoebe - Jovey - TingKe - Chiou Torng - Sindy - BenK - [Animepaper][Hitsugaya.org] [Imeem] [Little chibi]
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