Today i finally finished my Visualisation and Digital Technique project on photography taking techniques.Having presented that project and giving the burned CD to the lecturer, I feel less burden. But still due to Web Design proposal's due date is next week.I kinda having some stress ,cruz i cant figure out what to do and my layouts. Even finding research hasnt been done and i wish to clear my Problem Solving and Programming assignments and Communication Skills email writing and Computer System work by this wee.k.So i hope that i can do it.

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Ok time for some other type post.

I listened to DBSK ( the group that allison likes ) 's Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattandarou.

I Don't know why but I suddenly felt an feeling of emotions, kinda sad emotions. Its like something that is coming out from my heart in the deepest of it that i never had feel before.I feel that i miss the days when everyone was together, when nothing have ever happen before...No pranks no hard-feelings no anger no disharmony and so on. I remember i told allison that i like this song on her blog.I think it was somewhere near the date of the boxing days. That why i guess im being sad.

Second thing, i feel upset is about some recently stuff that happened recently that causes me to got upset over the reverandoms.Now one friends and my siblings around me was telling me about leaving the group cruz they played on me not the first time and its seems that im just an target for all this "fun" thing going on.

I dunno what i shall do cruz yes i love them a lot.For all my life, Been able to go to Japan for once is already something that im so happy about and proud of.But i felt that the Reverandoms are really the thing that makes me more happy and proud of.Cruz without them, even if i were to go to japan, I dun think i would able to find the happiness that i really had at that time.

I really want to say that while im in my sec 4 and being in the hirouka group from my class alone, I'm always the one that have to stay back alone for the meetings of the trip to start. No one in my class left behind to stay with me.Not a single soul and at that point in time, i'm having not a good relationship with my class, cruz im sort of being out of them at that year.But the thing that makes me keep on going with my life is not just the meeting, but the hirouka group,the reverandoms.Even if i were to go for the meeting but without them, plainly i felt that my motive of life is gone.

Being in the meeting, I feel really happy and really no worries, no sad feelings and not alone. I really felt true friends at that time.That why even if im sick, even if im have some practical labs or tutorials or stuff, im willing to give up more of my time to go even in a sick state of health.

Then as times passes, the whole trip ended. When Mr Mohad says that this is the last meeting that they will be having on a particular day, my tears wants to flow down. I really didnt want that to end. I want to continue the happiness.But i know its impossible.

But as times passes, i went out with hirouka group more and more often, but with less and less people.Until we become the Reverandoms Family with the "survivors".We went out together, have fun together.They were like my parts of my souls. Where i like them, where i wants to be with them, where i always want to meet up with them.Being with them is the happiest thing i ever have and im proud to be in the Reverandoms.

But there was once, they played a prank created by zam.We were actually planning for the chalet at the changi airport.And after that,zam,carel and amanda went off with some excuses, allison went off too, berwin claims that he going to check wheres the others and rina and aisyah walks off without letting me know.And i was left alone there, stupidly and idiotly waiting for them. I thought that they will come back and i wait and wait.....Finally i decided to go back.So i went to take bus and saw rina.
She took the same bus as me but she stop on a stop after the bus left out of changi airport.I didnt care much.For i believe in them.
But Berwin told me on msn one day that that day when we went to changi airport to plan for the chalet and everyone left, is a prank created by zam.When i heard it, I cannot believe it and i cried.For they betrayed my trust.I called allison and confronted her about it.Then carel and amanda and zam know what happens. Zam came to apologise and after crying and so on, i went back to the reverandoms again.Trusting them and so on.

But yesterday, while i was having my cca, Allison called.and navin told me that he have a good news to tell me and asked me to go home if im free.I thought its something related to Ms Melissa outing or something like that or like razi asked me to go out to eat with him and the rest once.I thought it was that and since its the reverandoms, like i says , i will throw away everything that i have just to be with them.So i told the cca that i have something important to do at home and need go home.And i went out.But after that , when i went outside and talked to them, I found out its was a prank and I was ok abit but then when furqaan sended me a message saying,"I hoped that the reverandoms will hate u". Even if its a prank,This sentence hurt me alot.I called razi with anger and told him what happend.After that i cried while taking to razi, cruz once again they treated me like a target for having fun and playing pranks at.Amanda and carel called me and talked to me and when i saw carel and amanda taking the blame for starting this, I feel so pained in my heart that my tears flow down.I dont like this way. I dont want my friends to be like this and second, after talking to razi and so on, I argee with him and i felt that its was also my fault. If i'm stronger and not weaker, if i'm more clever and not stupid, all this thing wont happen.So i told carel and amanda that dont push the blame on yrself and tell the others its not their fault and I'm to blame for starting all this things.If i were more stronger and not simple-minded and stupid, all this wouldnt have happen.Now i want to declare that if i'm not replying to reverandoms, is not that i forgive u or something, but yes im to blame, so i dun wish to talk and im sorry..Sorry.Even amanda asked me to go on thursday for some movie,i'm still thinking.If all those thing never happen, I would have told amanda im confirm going but now..

I wish to be with them but i fear of the same thing coming out again.Even if i were to blame myself everything, even if i were to forgive them, even if i want to be with them...Like my sis says if they dare to prank on you once, there will be the next time...So i dunno...I'm confused...I miss the days with the Reverandoms..I forever miss it and I guess thats another reason for the sad feeling to arise while i listening to the song.

I can say for one thing, I never have regretted being in the hirouka group, i have never regretted being in the reverandoms, I never have hated anyone in the group and family no matter what, even i says i hate berwin all the time,its just an saying. I never have regretted knowing the reverandoms and i never have regretted being with them.So, I love u guys the reverandoms deep in my heart.But i fear of the same thing...I have trusted u guys twice and have been hurted twice.Even if i were to blame myself till the end of my life, i will.But i dun wish to be hurted again.So i dunno whether to be with u guys.I'll think and i miss days together (on the banners of my blog)

Thanks for seeing this long and and wordy post.

I want to post this music called Dear Friends by Triplane.I like this music but embedded was disabled for his MV.So i have no choice but to take from One Piece.

Dear Friends By Triplane

Romaji Lyric

Mainichi hi ga shizumu made
Doro mamire ni nari nagara
Mujaki ni sugoshita hibi mo sute gatai keredo
Yumemiru boku ga ite mo sore wa sore de boku dakara
JIGUSOO PAZURU mitai ni
Hamatte nakute ii

Dareka no YES ga kimi ni totte
NO dearu no to onaji you ni
Itsudatte jiyuu na hazu dakara
Ashita kaze ga toori nuketa toki ni
PAZURU ga kakete ita toshitemo
Daremo sore wo semetari shinai yo

Ano hi yumemita bokura wa
Machigai ja nai to shinjite
Araku uneru unabara wo watatte ikeru
Kimi no mune no itami datte
Bokura wa shitte iru kara
Moshimo kimi ga kono fune wo orite
Chigau sekai ni ita toshite mo saigo ni wa kitto waraeru yo

Ima demo bokura wa yume wo mite iru yo
Takusareta sono omoi mo nosete

Areta kono unabara wo itami to tatakatte kyou mo yuku
Yakusoku ga uso ni nara nai you ni
Soshite itsuka
Bokura no fune wo orita chigau sekai ni iru kimi ni
Kanseishita PAZURU wo todoke you
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English Lyric

Every day until the sun set,
We got ourselves dirty with mud.
Those days that we wasted so foolishly,
Are hard to throw away.
I'm a dreamer,
but that's just how i am.
Its alright if you don't,
want to be broken like a jigsaw puzzle.
To you, when someone says "Yes",
It's the same as if they said "no".
We thought we would always be free ...

When the wind blows through tomorrow,
Even if the puzzle is broken,
Nobody will blame us.
That day, we believed,
That our dreams weren't wrong.
We just went across
the rough seas.
I always knew about
The pain you carried in your heart ...

Even if you leave this ship,
And ended up in a different world,
We'll be able to smile in the end.

Even now,
We continue dreaming,
Continue riding on those
Embraced dreams ...

We'll fight the rough seas today,
Even with our pain,
So that our promises don't become lies.
And then one day,
To you who left our ship,
And are now in a different world,
I will send that completed puzzle.

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Once again Thanks and Bye.Guess i cry at sleep to rest.